Going on 7 months unemployed, this is the first time, in a long time, that I’ve felt completely at a loss and inadequate.
I’m no stranger to rejection. But…
Yeah.
“But” was becoming a problem I didn’t know how to elude. I was becoming too familiar with this conjunction and the intrusive thoughts it accompanied:
But what if I’m not good enough?
But what if they don’t pick me?
But why wasn’t I selected?
In the screenings and interviews when I knew I was standing on solid ground and knew I went well above and beyond the call of duty to demonstrate how qualified and committed I was (emphasis on “knew” because I also know when I stumbled, completely bombed, or know I could have done better), I was still knocked down. Again and again.
“But” was no longer a question; it was a constant reality. Per my last rejection email:
We really appreciate your interest in X, but we’ve decided to pursue other candidates at this time…
This time, I stayed down because for the first time, in a long time, I wasn’t sure how to get back up.
I’m well aware there will always be someone more experienced and more talented than I am. That wasn’t the problem.
The problem I faced was losing a piece of myself and who I am every time I got the wind knocked out of me. I began to feel embarrassed about all the times my network and colleagues extended a hand to help me only to continually “fail.”
While I lay in a puddle of my own self-loathing, I kept thinking about:
Did I really give my all in that interview?
Did I really come this far, to only come this far?
Am I not as talented as I think I am?
My wake-up call
I was cleaning out my inbox and came across an Elpha newsletter1 with a spotlight on “how to job search with intent.” Curious, I clicked through to read the article and everything the author discussed stopped me in my tracks. She discussed the same beliefs and approaches I lived by and shared, preached, and coached other mentees on.
The same ones that I was not currently living aloud because I was too busy dunking on myself for being a “failure.”
I found another one of her articles about putting your full self forward in life and your career, and her words breathed life right back into me; isn’t that why I started my blog?!”
Here’s a snippet from her article on “Living My Truth Part 2: I’m Over Not Being Myself,” below:
I adopted a similar method when interviewing — be myself and be honest…Are there jobs I didn’t get because of this? Probably. But I didn’t want to work somewhere where I couldn’t be myself, so that was fine by me…
At this point in my life and career, I’m putting my full self forward. If I don’t feel comfortable expressing my whole self or they respond poorly to my full self, that’s how I know that’s not the place, person, or situation for me. I know where I’m at with my goals, and it’s time to start seeking those that help me level up, not keep me where I am.
- Renata Leo
I was so moved, that I reached out to Renata and expressed how amazing I thought she was, how I felt like she was “my people,” and how her words gave me reassurance to get back up again. We connected and had a coffee chat a few days later.
After our chat, I finally felt like I found the strength to pick myself back up.
Getting up and moving onwards
If you’re currently in a tough spot in your job search, here are some words I hope will help you get back up on your feet.
Be 1% more honest vulnerable
One of my favorite managers used to hold Friday check-in meetings where she’d ask us to be 1% more honest with how we were feeling about work and life.
I thought I would take it a step further by being more vulnerable with myself and others:
Letting my friends, family, and network know that I was not actually okay.
Doing less masking in interviews and being open about my experiences, what I’m good at, what I’m not good at, what exactly I want, and what motivates me.
Being more kind to myself about areas of improvement.
Being more shameless about my accomplishments.
Being more vulnerable means inviting honest feedback to make more informed decisions.
When I openly shared a presentation about my secret life as a Danmei podficcer on Linkedin and with a publication, I thought I would receive negative feedback for discussing erotic Boys Love content on a professional platform. Instead, I received:
An influx of new connections who shared the same interests.
A feature in a publication for fandom works.
An invite to speak on a panel about podcasting.
New voice-over and video editing commissions.
While being vulnerable can be scary, (e.g., being open to possible rejection, making tough decisions, doing some introspection, and hearing constructive criticism), it’s a necessary foundation that can help you achieve the ideal life you want to live and the work you want to do.
Have the audacity to take up space
There’s this saying that goes, “Someone else is doing exactly what you’re doing for more money and less experience because they had the audacity to take up space.”
As an extension of vulnerability, you should feel empowered to take up space by:
Sharing your story.
Sharing what you’ve created and built.
Starting your business you’ve been too afraid to start.
Connecting with the people you admire or want to learn more about.
Introducing yourself to the hiring manager or recruiter for the role you just applied to.
If you don’t take up the space you want to occupy, someone else will. Why not be that person and have increase your chances of getting what you want?
Get out of your own way
It wasn’t the constant rejections I received that kept me down; it was me. It was my belief that I couldn’t overcome another “failure.”
Yes, rejection fucking stings.
However, I’m sure you made it this far because of your talent, grit, and determination.
Things may look bleak now but I promise those things that make you, you never left.
But, you’ll need to be brave enough to step out of the darkness, and out of your own way, to see more clearly.
-Katrina
Footnotes
Elpha.com is a FREE professional network dedicated to helping women succeed at work. I love it!